Molly Ward is a certified financial planner and founder of Well Lived Wealth. Molly will discuss the four money scripts, provide tips on how to approach the not so romantic topic of money when you are dating, and tell you how to make vital financial decisions when your brain is offline.
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Episode #5: How to make Vital financial decisions when your brain is offline with Molly Ward, CFP, founder of Well Lived Wealth
Molly [00:00:10] So the first step is reaching out for help. I mean, if you're in a time that is difficult, then there's no way you can do it on your own. And that's going to be help, you know, with a therapist or a counselor or a financial advisor or an attorney or but somebody that, you know, start, take the first step, contact somebody that can help you. And then just, you know, you're offline during a time that's difficult. Your head is offline. Your emotions are, are wonky. And it's too hard to make decisions. I mean, just going through that myself and being a financial expert, going through divorce, I, I was offline. And I can see, you know, some things that I probably, if I'd been online, I would have been more aware of and more in tune of and just. And so, when I'm able to help somebody, when they're going through their hard time, I have a clear head.
Madeline & Becca [00:01:16] Welcome to The Madeline and Becca Podcast. The mission of our podcast is simple to inspire professional self-confidence in women everywhere. I'm Madeline. And I'm Becca. On our podcast. You will hear stories from real world influencers, women who have experienced tremendous success in their careers by building self-confidence. Thanks for joining us. [Music transition]
Becca [00:01:56] On today's episode, Madeline will be interviewing Molly Ward. Molly is a certified financial planner with more than 20 years of professional experience. She founded Well Lived Wealth, a financial services firm that helps high net worth, single women create financial plans to secure money now and in the future. Molly grew up in a prestigious and affluent family in Houston, Texas although growing up, Molly thought they were poor due to her parent’s frugality. Despite certain expectations that Molly would be a traditional wife and mother. She has forged an accomplished career in wealth management. Molly will discuss the four money scripts, provide tips on how to approach the not so romantic topic of money when you are dating and tell us how to make vital financial decisions when your brain is offline. Here's Madeline.
Madeline [00:02:50] Can you tell our listeners about what influenced you growing up?
Molly [00:02:54] Oh yeah.
Madeline [00:02:55] That formed your attitudes both towards money and then ultimately your career path.
Molly [00:02:59] You know, it's so funny because I thought that when we were growing up that we were poor. And it turns out we were not. But you wouldn't know that because there were, there was all this messaging going on between my parents, my grandparents, and the way that they lived was frugal and with many things, with some things not. But there's a you know, there's something in our, embedded in our mind called money scripts that we all, that are formed by the time we're age five or six. And so, my money scripts were going on thinking that we were poor. So, an example of that is my, we would some, very rarely go to a drive through because my mom was a great cook. We always ate it. But sometimes we would beg to go. My brother I to the Wendy's drive thru, we get a hamburger and she would not let us get cheese because it was 10 cents extra and we had cheese at home. And so, if you wanted cheese, you had to wait until you got home. We weren't allowed to eat in the car anyway. And the food had to be put on a plate, not out of the bag or the wrapper. So, so we had to wait till you got home, slice the cheese. We did not have a microwave and then put it in the oven for it to melt and then you can have your cheeseburger so that the 10 cents could be saved. So, that is just a you know, that's summarizes it, you know but, she, she drove a nice car. We were in a Cadillac going to the, to the drive thru. And my grandparents lived about four blocks away. He was very influential in my life and my business life, my personal life. And they just weren't pretentious people. And so, I thought that, I really thought we were not doing so well financially as a kid. And they taught a ton of hard work, you know, always work. We weren't given a big allowance. I had to buy things on my own, get extra jobs or to the cleaners, babysit, taught tennis lessons, sold shoes. But it was all you know, so there was no real, there's always this work ethic pushed when I was young, but there was never an expectation that I would actually have a job. So, there was expectation I would go to college, but there was no talk about career and what to do with, you know, with your major or anything like that. So, all the women in my family were educated themselves, but none of them really worked outside of the home. So, then I do remember them telling my brother what to do. You know what, like needed to go major in business and be a businessman, but there was no advice like that. For me, it was like, this is the type of crystal you need to register for. And the, a man likes to hold a heavy fork and a heavy cocktail glass. So.
Madeline [00:05:48] Wow, wow.
Molly [00:05:48] So my kind of vision was, OK, well, I'll go to college and get married and have this white picket fence and, you know, who knows what I'll do. I didn't really put much thought into it. And so, I did. I was engaged before I graduated from college and I was betting on a winning horse because he was already a CPA and he was in law school and brilliant. So that's kind of the background of before I started my career.
Madeline [00:06:20] And how did you actually end up having a career in finance? What, what was your decision-making process like?
Molly [00:06:26] Well, there, there really was not much of a decision to get it, to get the ball rolling. So, I was biding some time before I got married and happened to get a job at a bank here in Houston. And it happened to be in the private bank of one of the, you know, where all the big money was in Texas. And so that opened my eyes, you know, like, wow, this is you know, I need to know these things about money because we're gonna have money. He's going to go make it. I'm just, I'm going to be at home, I need to have something to do. And so, I started my certified financial planner courses just kind of as a nerdy hobby. So, and I thought, well, I'll just do this for us. And then I found that you could actually have a career in it. So, I got real excited. And that's how I started.
Madeline [00:07:15] And did you get any pushback from your family in terms of.
Molly [00:07:20] Yes.
Madeline [00:07:20] You know, expectations, it sounds like there was a certain expectation that you'd perhaps be just the traditional wife and mother and follow in the footsteps of your mother and your grandmother. Did they give you pushback when you wanted to have a career outside of the home?
Molly [00:07:33] Well, so it wasn't. Not when I first started, but when I became pregnant with my first child, I could, I could feel a little judgment there of working after I had her. That mostly came from the, from, from my mom, who is a great mom. But I could, I could feel that, you know, it was some comments that would be made about working after I had her. So, there was a little bit of pressure there or judgment there, but you know there was also a lot of encouragement, on the other hand, from people like my dad and my grandfather. So.
Madeline [00:08:16] And it sounds like your grandfather was a big influence in your life. Can you tell us about some of those early experiences and what you learned about finance or working from him?
Molly [00:08:28] Yeah, so, so he definitely was influential, and he was in a business, a diesel engine business and generators and heavy equipment and government contracts and things for the military. So, it was a man, you know man's business. And, but he would take me and my cousins, my brother, to his office almost every weekend. That's how Saturday mornings went. We'd go to breakfast and we'd go to his office. You know, I met many, his, his colleagues were his friends. They were always at their house. There was just this community. And so, and I'd just watched the way he treated people from anybody that worked in the shop to the high ups. And the way he handled himself. So, it was just a walking M.B.A. right there. Just in his demeanor and his leadership. So, he also took me one time, he took me on several business trips with him. And one time took me to Maracaibo, Venezuela, with him while I was engaged for got married. And so that was really neat to see him in action down there. And I think actually he was retired at the time. He was already retired, but he still would go to work every day and they had a place for him to work called, and it was, it was secretly called the "On Golden Pond Sweep," where he and a couple of the other old guys worked. And so, so, yeah, he was still, he was retired, not being paid and still traveling the world for his beloved business.
Madeline [00:10:12] And can you tell our listeners why you started your own business, Well Lived Wealth and, you know, with a mission to help women live up to their financial potential?
Molly [00:10:22] Yeah. So, you know. I think it has to do with, well a lot of it has to do with my, the, my divorce that I went through. So. Yeah, that's the catalyst of me starting that. And I just have seen so, I was so thankful that I was prepared financially during that time because I don't know, it's such a difficult time to go through that if you're, I feel like if you're not prepared for, if you don't have your ducks in a row, just. We all go through some type of season. Right? We're either going to go through a death, divorce, a health crisis within our own family or ourselves. And if, you know, if you're not thoughtfully prepared already for, everybody goes through this, this is inevitable life seasons of, of change. Then you can, you know, I feel like a woman can change the course of her life or her family's life if she's thoughtfully prepared financially. So, I you know, became very convicted in that and, and decided to launch the focus towards that. So, but it was, you know, it, it was a hard, it was something like lemons to lemonade. Right? You know, it was very devastating period. I lost 10 pounds in four weeks, so that was good. My divorce diet and, and just, you know, it's really skyrocketed since then from a marketing standpoint and for growing our team and servicing our clients.
Madeline [00:12:02] You know, I think there is often a lot of fear and anxiety surrounding money, particularly with women. And I think it often causes women to not deal with their financial picture or their goals or their forecasts for their family, that sort of ostrich, bury your head in the sand type of an attitude. I've seen it some in you know, in prior work that I did in divorces.
Molly [00:12:29] Oh, okay.
Madeline [00:12:29] And I think, you know, people, you know, often arrived in my office with really no idea what was going on in their financial picture. Can you tell our listeners about some of the most common mistakes you think that women make with respect to their finances?
Molly [00:12:45] Well, you know, a woman's income is one of our most powerful tools, financially. And so, the uh, I think sometimes that's not thought through too much. I don't know for younger women. But at least my generation. The effects of not having an income or taking some time off or from your job and not keeping your skills up, that can be devastating to the future of a woman if she's dependent on somebody else. So, you know, that's protection, protecting your income, protecting if you're dependent on somebody, making sure his income is protected. So just all the what ifs. What if this happens? What if I lose my job? What if I become disabled? What if my parents are needing help from me and my kids are needing help for me at the same time? So, what you know, do I have enough emergency money? Because emergencies happen all the time. So, it's the preparation, I think are the mistakes. And, and they just maybe don't know what they don't know, or they've chosen to ignore it, consciously.
Madeline [00:14:01] And, you mentioned money scripts, which I think is a really interesting topic, because you know when you think about how, how you're raised and then how that translates into your money habits as an adult. Do you have any advice for our listeners who perhaps were raised, you know, with traditional notions of men handle money and women handle the, you know, the work at home? How do you sort of get past that and, you know, take charge in an independent way of your own financial picture?
Molly [00:14:33] That's a great question. You know, I really think it's important for a woman to have a conversation with somebody else that's not her family about money. You know, how is it handled? How do they handle it? Because you grow up in this vacuum and you think this is the way that things already, you know, that they should be. Having, you know, having a conversation with somebody that you're you know, dating seriously or engaged or if you're already married. You know, these money conversations are not easy, but they can bring you closer together as a couple. They're very intimate. And, you know, if your goals aren't aligned, if you think that you know, you're going to be living, your expectations, you are going to be living in this beautiful house in this upscale neighborhood, and he doesn't really care about that. You know, he's fine in the bungalow for the rest of his life or that's just not as important. That might be a conflict later that is great to be discussed now. So, I think, you know, just having more of those conversations. But, but, but knowing your own money script, like you were just saying, if she knows her own, there's four money scripts. And if you know which one, you'd lean towards, then it's easier to have these conversations because you know, you know where you're coming from. You can know where your partner is coming from. And that can make those conversations much more effective. And, you know, coming from a place of wanting to grow together instead of grow apart.
Madeline [00:16:04] And what are the four money scripts?
Molly [00:16:08] There's avoidance. There is vigilance. There is status. And there is worship.
Madeline [00:16:16] And would you mind just telling us what each one of those are for our listeners who don't know?
Molly [00:16:21] Yeah, so money worship is you know, where money is going to, you know that's your driver of, of everything. That's where all, how all decisions are made from your career that you decided on to, you know, that's, that's the priority. That's number one. There's nothing, nothing else except for, you know, how much you're going to have and how much you you're gonna make. Money vigilance is the like "I'm going to read Consumer Reports every day and make sure I'm getting the best deal on everything and I'm scouring the universe for the best stroller out there and I'm gonna get the best deal." And then these people kind of sometimes hoard money, but they're actually the healthiest of the money scripts. So, and you can actually have a combination of, of these. So many avoidance is the person that wants to put their head in their sand and not think about the money, not talk about the money. It is not, not even going to you know, ignore it. And then the what was the last one? Oh, the status. So that's, "I'm using money so that everybody can see, you know, I'm going to lease the fanciest car out there. But I live in a cardboard box."
Madeline [00:17:44] I can, I, you know, as you're saying, those I can think of people that fit into each one of those categories in my own life too.
Molly [00:17:50] Yeah, that's right.
Madeline [00:17:51] You can see it manifest in people's habits certainly.
Molly [00:17:55] Yeah, and, you know, and it's OK. I mean, there's nothing you know, wrong with any of these, but if you know where you're coming from on how you make your decisions with money, think about how much better your conversations can be with the people that, with the, you know, somebody that you're sharing your life with. And there's also on the money, the money status, the money worship we have, there's a term called HENRY. Have you ever heard of that?
Madeline [00:18:19] No, I have not.
Molly [00:18:21] So, that's the high earner, not rich yet. And we've got a, we've got a great video that we just made in an article that I've written about the HENRYs. I'd love to share it with you.
Madeline [00:18:34] Definitely. And can you just, you know, for our listeners who don't know what those are, like you know the details of that, can you just elaborate on it a little bit more?
Molly [00:18:42] Well, we, you know, we see HENRYs come to our office and they are frustrated. They are so frustrated. They are making you know, they're in the top brackets of income earners. So that would be, you know, or two-hundred-fifty-thousand dollars or more of income, but they have nothing saved. And they feel, they just, they're so frustrated, they don't understand why they don't have that, they make all this money and so they think, they actually probably think they need to make more money so that they can have some wealth building. They haven't built well. So, they're very vulnerable. Right? These people are very vulnerable, too, to those to the what ifs of life. You know, what if I lose my job? There's no, there's no cushion. What if I become disabled? What if, you know, what if I pass away? I have this family that I've been I don't know. You know, it's, it's all those, the HENRYs is kind of a house of cards. Right? When it comes to finances. So, we, we love getting HENRYs on track. We love seeing them, you know, hit some milestones on building their wealth. They can be reformed. And they're all ages. So, it's not just young people. They can be, you know, 60, 65. [Music transition]
Madeline [00:20:16] Do you have an example from your experiences, perhaps, where a client came into your office, and you know, who'd experience one of those examples you gave us of a difficult season and whose you know financial life had, has collapsed due to that?
Molly [00:20:33] Yeah. I can think of one woman who had two kids, two boys about middle school age, and she was, she had an amazing career. She was an, she was an attorney. And she was making, you know, seven-figures. She was the breadwinner. And she also had parents that were older. So, she comes in and she's telling me her story. Her husband got very ill, became very ill, you know, on the brink of death. He did not end up passing away, but it was a time to reassess, reassess everything from life. What was going on in life, you know, with these kids at home? The husband you know, needing help in all kinds of areas. You know, that's not just, you know, needing help financially. That's needing to be taken care of. And then the parents, too, you know, going into an assisted living or having to address that as well. And she you know, is really insightful when she said, "I just did not know how naive I was." So brilliant, brilliant woman. But when it came to all of, what she meant by that was the financial side of it. "I just did not know how naive I was." Even though she could make this high, high income, they weren't prepared for that big, big bump, roadblock. So that was you know, that's one example.
Madeline [00:22:14] And sort of on the flip side of this, what are, what are the most important actions you think that women can take in order to have and develop good financial habits and, you know, overcome some of those things that we've been talking about, fear and paralysis with respect to money. What are some strategies that women can use?
Molly [00:22:35] Yeah, I think that, I think that they, you know they need to start off with questions about what's going on in their life. You know, "what's going on in my life, where am I at now, where do I want to be five-years from now, where do I want to be 20 years from now? What's in my life? Who's important to me? So, children, loved ones. And what are my goals, surrounding those things?" Because money and life go hand-in-hand. That's why you got to think of both things. You got to think of who you love, what's going on in your life. And then the money ties into all of that. So, you know, having a conversation about those, those types of things, "my goals and my family." And then you can take an assessment. "What do I have? You know, what do I have and what I've done, or what are my liabilities? What are my assets? What are my accounts? What are my income streams? How long do those last? How long did my jobs last?" All the financial side of it. So, some people do that on a spreadsheet. And we actually have a tool that's a pictograph map that makes somebody visually see, you know, I've got income coming in here. I've got protection like insurances is another important, that needs to be on that list as well as your assets. And so, listing that out, what you have. And then, and then being able to say, OK, am I able, if one of her goals was I want to send my kids to university, you know, to school. "Do I have enough money for that? Do I want to be financially independent by the age of 65? Am I on track for that?" So having that reassessed that those goals set, those financial numbers set. "Am I protected?" That's the big one. Also, actually, sorry to backup, protection is a big one that often gets overlooked. People jump ahead to the money side. You know, the great portfolio or asset allocation or whatever it might be. But protections are often ignored. And it's so important and it can make all the rest of every you know, the, the what ifs kind of go away and uncertainties and protection. You know, what I mean by that is, do I have enough emergency money? Do I have enough insurances? You know what if I passed away, what if my spouse passed away? What if we lost our jobs, you know, all the what ifs? What if we have a long-term care situation for our parents and they are going to have to rely on us? So, it's like this fire drill going off in your head of the what ifs. And then, you know, and then from there, you have to have that conversation. You have to have that reassessment of the goals part and the who's important, what's important and the goals, that needs to be done probably once a year and then once a month updating making, you know, updating all your account values. If you might, you might have that, some people use software’s to, to update those automatically and your insurances as well. All the insurances, homeowner’s insurance, everything that could affect you financially and updating those numbers monthly and looking at them. And if you're together with somebody looking at them together and, you know, not having that burden fall on just one, just her or him or whatever it might be.
Madeline [00:25:44] I want to ask, we talked a little bit about having conversations with, with people that you're, that you're dating. And I'm curious, you know, perhaps they are not the most romantic conversations to have. But for women who are dating, you know, and in your professional experience, do you have any tips for approaching those conversations related to finances?
Molly [00:26:05] Yeah, I mean, gosh, they are awkward, right? I've heard of people that are getting married before and they don't, they're dating, and they get married. They don't even know how much their husband makes, until they file that first-year tax return. So those conversations aren't happening. But, you know, I think it's, you can, you can approach that with the going back to the money scripts. Hey, what was, what was your childhood like with money? What are your dreams for the future? What is, you know, so you start with, with, with what money can do for you. You know, what it, what is it, What's your vision? You don't start with what money can do, you start with, you know, what's the vision of our future together? Well, but if you're just dating. Yeah, I don't know, where were we on that or is this couple seriously dating?
Madeline [00:26:55] Well, I guess let's first talk about, let's first about talk about dating and then we can talk a little bit about when you get to the point where you're actually merging finances.
Molly [00:27:09] I like dating. OK. So, yeah, I mean, if you're first, okay first dating, yeah not so appropriate right? On the first date. You know, don't kiss on the first date. Don't talk about money on the first date. Right? So, but yeah, as things progress, I mean I think that comes up in what's important to you, you know, how, how important, you know is a certain income? How important is a certain lifestyle? How important is the future? Some people don't plan a future. They don't think they're going to be alive in the future. You know, it's, it's interesting. You'll see some people because their parents passed away young. They think they are. So, they're not planning on their future. And then you see some people think they're gonna live till, we've got, had somebody the other day told us he is going to live until he is 115. So, having you know, those are kind of easier conversations to delve into the money side. You know, what does your future look? What, what, you know, what are your goals with work? Well, how career driven is this person that you're dating? That, that's a money question. You know, how did you grow up with money? Who influenced you the most with money? Those are kind of the softer ones. But yeah, I think, gosh, so necessary and can bring you closer together once you get into the nitty gritty parts of them.
Madeline [00:28:32] And then what about if you're in a relationship and you're either considering merging finances or you're getting married? Do you have any advice for women about how to protect themselves and do due diligence? You know, Becca and I were talking, I don't know if you've listened to the podcast or seen the series, "Dirty John," but, you know, it's about a very successful and affluent woman who fell for somebody who said he was an anesthesiologist and.
Molly [00:28:55] Oh, I'm going to have to listen to it. Yeah.
Madeline [00:28:57] Yes. You absolutely, you know, and considering your business and the type of clients that you deal with. It's, she was an unbelievably successful woman and she fell for somebody who he was, I think she met him two days after he left prison and said he was an anesthesiologist.
Molly [00:29:09] Oh my gosh.
Madeline [00:29:09] And she ends up falling for him and marrying him. And so, I guess my question to you, I mean, you know, it's frightening because you have somebody who's highly educated, affluent, successful. And yet when you're in love, I think sometimes that can be the driver and people don't necessarily, you know, do the necessary due diligence to make sure that they're protected as they're entering into those legally binding.
Molly [00:29:35] Yes.
Madeline [00:29:35] Mixed financial situations. So, do you have any advice for women about how to protect themselves as they're heading into marriage or merging finances?
Molly [00:29:43] Yeah, I, you know, it's, that's an unbelievable story. So, and it is not, it's a rare story. Right? But it happens. I've had a few people something similar has happened to. So, I know a few people. I mean, it's, it's, it's, I've seen spreadsheets been made up when one engaged person showed the other engaged person that what were fake. I've seen, oh yeah, I mean, stuff that would blow your, a story similar to one you're talking about. So, it does happen, and marriage is a legal contract. And so, if you're, you know, from a very cynical point of view, if you look at it, you're going into business with this person that you have decided to marry. And that has everything, everything financial to do with it. Right? That, that is, that encompasses everything financially. So, I don't want to take the romantic side out of it or the seriousness of a lifelong partner. I mean, that's beautiful. But the, you know, there's a saying called good fences make good neighbors. Or if you have a good you know, boundaries in place and things are talked about, you've become it. You have these intimate conversations about money. And when you're in love, is a great time to have them because you're being nicer to each other. And that's a great time to come up with a prenup, is when you are at your happiest, you know, solid days of your relationship. So, I do encourage that. You know, I have seen women who I mean, I've already thought of three so far since we've been talking about this, that had the wool pulled over their eyes. One that did, I asked her what she wished she had done differently. And she said that she wished she had had the conversations earlier. So not on the first date but, and she did see the red flags all along, the slow-moving train wreck. Right? That happened over about six years. Of the woman I'm thinking of. So, yeah. I mean, and they were all true. So red flags are a red flag, question marks are a question mark. So earlier, the earlier to have those conversations, the better. And note. Yes. Sorry. That's all.
Madeline [00:32:15] No, that's really good advice because I think sometimes, you know, people say love is blind. And I think finances can sometimes go to the wayside if you know and, and, you know, 10, 15, 20 years down the line, you don't want to be, it's harder to have those issues come up on the back end. It's easier to deal with them on the front end.
Molly [00:32:33] Yes, absolutely. And even, you know, after you're married, if, if you know, you’re investing money in different things and maybe properties, real estate, the financial markets, whatever it might be. Both people need to know what's going on. Where is it? How do I get my hands on it? You know, those sort of things and making sure that there are contingencies to sell whatever ever it is being acquired. So, for example, what if you're buying a piece of property and it's a really hard piece of property to sell? So, you want the property, but it would be very difficult to sell. Well, I would want to know that, if I were married to somebody that was, wanted to buy this property. Right? Because if we didn't want the property anymore, how are we going to sell it? It's highly illiquid. Those things aren't, sometimes when people make an emotional buy, like for a piece of property, they don't think about the end game, which is selling, which is going to result from, I just want to sell it or it's going to result from a death, a divorce or disability or an emergency. And so, that, that is where you can also get in trouble is not having, not knowing what your get out plan is from whatever you're investing in or buying. [Music transition]
Madeline [00:34:06] I want to shift and talk a little bit about motherhood. I know that's been central in your life.
Molly [00:34:12] Yes.
Madeline [00:34:12] And how do you think it helps your children watching you as a successful business owner and also a working mother?
Molly [00:34:21] Well, I'm driving them nuts, I'm sure. You know, well we're all at home right now, so. I really want them to be able to make decisions on their own with money. And I think that's one of the biggest gifts that you can give your children, or that I can give my children. So, anytime there's a teachable moment about something from when they were young to now, now they're my kids are 19, about to be 18 next week and twelve so, two girls and a boy, two in college and then one in middle school. So, yeah, I mean, anytime there's a teachable moment from when they were young and giving them their own money, an allowance to be able to go and spend, they see something in the store, well sure, use your own money. Okay. Decisions like that up to, to much bigger ones. So, for example, one of my daughters wanted to go for the summer to Thailand to work on an elephant refuge. And that's an expensive trip. I thought it was a great experience. And so, I supported it somewhat. But she had to pay, come up with a third of the money for it. So, having that skin in the game and really wanting something, you know, I think I heard the other day, I'm going to get this stat wrong, but I'll look it up after, after the call. But something like 20, 30 percent of children that are going to college, have never had a job before they go. And there's something to that. You know, I've, I've made my children get jobs at the cleaners, at the pool, you know, where they're lifeguards, babysitting. One of them is driving deliveries right now. So, having that, there's just so much in having that job where they learn just so much about the world. So, pushing that, you know, yes, they need to study. And yes, they need to be doing their extra-curricular stuff. But there is nothing that sends a bigger message into the future as, as having a job. So, and then with college, we just recently, you know, my middle one is going to college. She starts in the fall. And, you know, I said, this is how much money you get for college. And I'm very fortunate that I'm able to do this, right? I mean, it's not that I don't have the money to be able to send them. Very fortunate. But you know. Where do you, how do you navigate that when you are fortunate enough to do that? And so, the way that I deal with that is, I say here's the pool of money and you, you make it last as long as you can. You know, you can decide where to go to school. I mean, you know, I can always override. Right? As a parent, you can decide, but the big picture of it as you get to decide where you're going to go to school with this amount of money. If you have money left over because you got a scholarship or you went somewhere cheaper than you it, you get the money. If you have gone to a school that's more expensive than this pool of money, then you're gonna have to pay for. So, that became a big deal just about a month ago, a couple of months ago, when she was trying to decide where she would go. And that's going to, it's a, it's a big lesson. We did that with a car as well. You know, here's the amount of money you have for a car. Go research it. Do your homework. This is the last car you will, this is the only car I will ever buy you. And, and you're going to have it, hopefully you'll have it for years. But, giving them that type of being on the same side of the table, having to make decisions because you don't want the first time for them to make these major decisions after they've left the home. And then budgeting, as well. I mean, you know, when my first daughter went off to college, we, we made a list of all the potential things she was going to spend money on, this is how much you know you're going to be getting per month. And also, remember, if you have any money left over, you get it when you graduate. So, it's being on the same side of the table. And having these good conversations. And technology is so great right now because you can just, you know, I can look at my, well I can check into her account and see, see what she's doing and where she's spending her money. And I can show her how to do that. So, yeah, I don't know. I know that I probably go overboard with all that with my kids. But that's my job.
Madeline [00:38:47] You know, I think its really good advice. I mean, I've, I've known people, people who went to college and didn't know what it cost and, you know, or people who took out loans and didn't realize, you know, what they were signing off on at age, you know, 18 years old. And that has, you know, even people into, into law school when I attended law school, the same sort of thing.
Molly [00:39:08] Right.
Madeline [00:39:09] And it's really unfortunate because if, I think if your kids have buy in and understand what's going on, these are not just adult decisions. They are going to be, becoming adults. And those are very, very important life lessons because they serve you forever.
Molly [00:39:23] Right. Right. [Music transition]
Madeline [00:39:38] Can you tell our listeners about one of, whatever favorite routine that you have that you think is most important in your day?
Molly [00:39:47] OK, so the most important one is when I first wake up. So, first wake up and I have to feed the dogs because they're very, very hungry when I wake up. So, feed the dogs. And then I go out into my backyard. I have a spot that I set up where I light a candle. It's still dark, usually, maybe on the weekends it's not. And light my candle. I have a journal I write in; I have a meditation book that I, that I read a passage out of every day and, and just sit there for just a little while. It's pretty quick. It's under 10 minutes. This whole process. Oh, I get coffee first before I go out there though. That's very key. Have to get the coffee. It's already made, its premade and then go out into the backyard and have that time and that's it. That time, if I had, I'd been in that habit for probably, I don't know, 10 years. And if I hadn't had that habit during some of my really tough times, my divorce. And I lost a friend as well, though if I hadn't had that habit during those times. I don't know how I would have gotten through it. And so that's first. And then I have to work out whether that's gonna be a run or Pilates or yoga or whatever it might be, have to do that. And, and then I can start working. I can't, if I get off that routine. I find that I cannot mentally be really prepared for the day. So, I love that, like I wake up in the morning and go do it. I don't have like this "lay in bed and oh I got to get up." I look forward to that quiet time outside in my backyard. I love it. So, that's been super important and helpful. And then the other part is making sure that I know my calendar, the short to do list for the next day. Being prepared for the, for the day, the next day, some, sometime in the afternoon I usually adjust for that so that there's no surprises and that my head can, can mentally rest for the remainder of the day and through the night. And get a great night's sleep. [Music transition]
Madeline [00:42:09] You know, one, one question I want to circle back to is, for any of our listeners who are facing a difficult season and who have not prepared financially and you know have that paralysis and fear of oh my God, what am I going to do? Could you tell them, like one first step that they could take to, you know, step towards independence and, and get past the fear of a difficult season?
Molly [00:42:38] So the first step is reaching out for help. I mean, if you're in a time that is difficult. Then, there is no way you can do it on your own. And that's going to be help, you know, with a therapist or a counselor or a financial adviser or an attorney or but somebody that you know, start, take the first step, contact somebody that can help you. And then just, you know, you're offline during a time that's difficult. Your head is offline. Your emotions are wonky and it's too hard to make decisions. I mean, just going through that myself and, and being a financial expert, going through divorce. I, I was offline and I can see, you know, some things that I probably if I'd been online, I would have been more aware of and more in tune of and just, and so when I'm able to help somebody, when they're going through their hard time, I have a clear head. And I've done it hundreds of times before. The fact patterns. Right? Of the finances. So, the, the first step is to reach out for help. And especially with somebody to talk to, like a counselor or a therapist.
Madeline [00:43:53] It's a great way to say it. Your head is offline. I mean, because you're dealing with two different tracks. I mean, you've got the emotional track and then you've got all of the you know, the concrete financial track in assets and all of the things that you're dealing with on the other side. And sometimes, you know, it's hard to, to be rational when you have that emotional offline thing.
Molly [00:44:12] Well right, and you're just I think, I think your body's offline. You're, you know, if you're not eating and you can't sleep well, how can you make these super important decisions? So, taking care of yourself, you know, making sure you're spending time with people that. I don't know, I love the saying "iron sharpens iron." Making sure you're spending time with iron people during this difficult time. It's a time where you're going to sink or swim and you've got to have all the health, physical, mental, emotional support. And that you can get.
Madeline [00:44:48] That's great, great advice. Can you tell us what is the most rewarding aspect of your job? What gives you the greatest satisfaction?
Molly [00:44:58] There's a lot, there's a lot of rewarding things about my job, but it's really the clients and hearing their stories and helping them and they serve as inspiration to me. So, you know, it's, I just got an email a little while ago. Where, from a client that, their story inspires me. So they were, they were high school sweethearts. And he was two years older. So, he was a senior and she was a sophomore. This is years ago. They're in their 60s now. And her mother made them breakup because he was too old for her. So, you know, fast forward 40 years, 40, 50 years. They both had gone their own ways from this you know, small town in middle America, gone their own ways to the big cities and gotten their, had their jobs and had their children, had their marriages, had their divorces. And they both came back to that small town. And ended up seeing each other and falling in love and getting married and sharing a life together. And so, you know, I was just emailing with them and telling, you know, I was just commenting how inspiring their story is. And they email me back and they just said, oh, we're just, you know, we were so, we were so concerned about, or she was so concerned about living her future you know at that age and an older age where she already had a career and her marriage and her kids, of what, what the future looked like. But then, you know when she saw her old boyfriend, it all kind of came together. And then she complimented me with, "and you have helped us navigate this financially so well." So that is, that gets me up in the morning.
Madeline [00:46:42] That's such a wonderful story. That's so inspirational and I think,
Molly [00:46:46] Yeah.
Madeline [00:46:47] Perhaps for our listeners who are at a later point in their career. You know, those stories, it must you know, light you up that there's still chapters ahead of you and happiness ahead of you. And I think some women perhaps, you know, they think maybe it's, it's all been written, but that's not the case. And that story tells you that, doesn't it?
Molly [00:47:05] Yeah. That's right.
Madeline [00:47:08] Since sort of, as we head towards the end of our conversation here, since Becca and I are you know, co-founders of a handbag brand, we always like to ask each one of our guests about their personal style. And I'm wondering, Molly, how would you describe your personal, personal and professional style? And do you have you know, an item of clothing in your closet that you know gives you sort of that professional confidence and swagger?
Molly [00:47:36] I do not have a talent for, for personal style, so I have to ask for help in that area. So that is, you know, I have to delegate that. So, I don't, one of the things that, one of the most wonderful things that a friend did for me when I was going through my divorce is, she took me, now I was really skinny then. OK. Remember, divorce diet, I lost 10 pounds in four weeks. She forced me to meet her at the, at a store, a clothing store, and she had already gone in and she'd already put everything in the dressing room. And she made me try on everything. And she's like, "you look great in that. No, no. Great, great." Put it at the counter. Made me buy it. And I left. I had all these amazing new outfits. And so. So that's, and still she comes over and helps me, if I'm you know going on a date or I have a big meeting, she'll, she'll put some things together for me as I really have to call her and ask her or other friends that I trust in that area of what to wear to help me dress.
Madeline [00:48:30] Sounds like a great friend.
Molly [00:48:32] Yeah. Yeah. She is.
Madeline [00:48:47] In closing, what is your best piece of advice for our listeners that they can apply to their own careers, specifically with respect to developing professional self-confidence?
Molly [00:49:02] Well, I think that that is so related to our personal, what we're doing at home in our personal lives, how we're building those and our mental health and our physical health. I think it's just also an emotional health. It's all so tied together. And so, that's really, I think the place to get that strength from is what's going on in that area of health and nutrition, fitness and developing and who you're spending your time with, who you're helping. You know, there's, there's something about the five people you spend the most time with and how they affect you and how they influence you and how you influence them. And one of those fives is yourself. So that's, that's where I would start. And then, you know, for the career day or the career part of that advice is dream big, dream as big as you can and then dream bigger.
Madeline [00:49:58] I love that. I love that. I do think sometimes, I don't know whether it's particular to women, but that sometimes we just dream too small. And if you're going to dream, you might as well dream as big as you can think.
Molly [00:50:15] Yeah. Yes. Yeah or talk to somebody that, you know, that might not be if you realize you don't have that in your head yet, that skill, then talk to somebody that does and then just brainstorm of what you know, one of the great things about my career is I see so many different professions. You know, we have clients that have worked in different industries at different income levels and, and so talk to somebody that, that sees all these different types of careers and what they're doing. There's so much correlation of advice there. [Music transition]
Molly [00:51:06] Molly Ward offers securities through AXA Advisors, LLC, member of FINRA/SIPC. Investment Advisory Products and services are offered through AXA Advisors LLC, which is an investment adviser registered with the S.E.C. and annuity and insurance products are offered through AXA Network LLC. Well Lived Wealth is not a registered investment advisor and is not operated or owned by AXA Advisors or AXA Network.
Becca [00:51:31] If you enjoyed listening to our podcast hit subscribe now. Thank you to Nico Vettese for composing our original music. And thank you always to our home team of friends and family for supporting us in our mission. This episode was produced and edited by Madeline and Becca. Thanks for tuning in. And remember, you are somebody.