Today, we chat with Kelly Ryan, the founder and owner of Anchor Meditation, a San Francisco based studio that offers guided meditation both in person and virtually. Kelly will discuss all things meditation: the science and history behind it, how to train our thoughts just like we train our bodies, how to create a space for meditation in your home, and how to include your children in meditation. If you're feeling 2020 has been an overwhelming year for you, you will enjoy Kelly's short meditation at the end of our show.
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For the Happiness Lab Podcast episode that Kelly referenced click HERE
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On The Madeline & Becca Podcast, we chat with leading women from a variety of industries about their career journeys and how they developed professional self-confidence.
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Episode #18: Get calm today with Anchor Meditation
Kelly [00:00:01] Your thoughts determine your feelings. So, any time that you're feeling anxious or stressed, you can ask yourself the question, what am I thinking? And it's directly causing your feelings. And so, the thing is, while we can't control outside circumstances like these fires in the western United States or Covid or social justice or politics, we can control our thoughts. And so, that's, you got to take your power back and know that you're choosing your thoughts. And so, when you notice that you're thinking a negative thought, then you can kind of dig a little bit deeper and do some self-inquiry and ask yourself, is this thought true? Where does the thought come from?
Madeline & Becca [00:00:59] Welcome to The Madeline and Becca Podcast. The mission of our podcast is simple, to inspire professional self-confidence in women everywhere. I'm Madeline. And I'm Becca. On our podcast, you will hear stories from real world influencers, women who have experienced tremendous success in their careers by building self-confidence. Thanks for joining us.
Becca [00:01:38] Today, we chat with Kelly Ryan, the founder and owner of Anchor Meditation, a San Francisco based studio that offers guided meditation both in person and virtually. Before founding her own business, Kelly spent 18 years as an SBA financing specialist helping small business owners purchase commercial real estate through SBA financing. Feeling overwhelmed by uncontrollable deadlines and the challenges of motherhood, Kelly attended a wellness retreat for her fortieth birthday. For the first time in decades, she felt at ease and focused on the present. Kelly began taking meditation classes and was hooked. A conversation with a friend sparked her desire to start her own studio. For a year and a half, she worked her full time job while building her business first as pop-up classes and then as a studio space. On today's episode, Kelly will discuss all things meditation: the science and history behind it, how to train our thoughts just like we train our bodies, how to create a space for meditation in your home, and how to include your children in meditation. If you're feeling 2020 has been an overwhelming year for you, you will enjoy Kelly's short meditation at the end of our show. Here's Madeline.
Madeline [00:03:06] For our listeners who are, you know, thinking about starting a business, is there anything that you wish you had known before starting a business that you could pass on as advice to our audience?
Kelly [00:03:21] My number one piece of advice would be that if an idea comes to you and it lights you up and excites you, that's because you're supposed to pursue it. So, I am one hundred and ten percent sure that I am living my life's purpose and doing what I'm doing. And, there were a lot of times where people looked at me like I was crazy, like "a meditation studio." You know, first of all, like, have you turned into some woo woo person? Was the implication. But, second of all, it was like that can't be a great business idea. And, you know, here we are. Look at what's happening in the world. I never would have known how many people would need access to tools to decrease their stress and increase their mental wellness. But here I am, and I have all the teachers and the right business. And, you know, we're able to serve and support people in a way that is really needed right now. So, going back to your question though, no, we weren't online before Covid. And so, you know, while it's been sad and unexpected that the studio and the beautiful community that we built have had to be closed since March, it's also a really exciting opportunity to be able to support more people all over the country and really all over the world with our online meditation services. So, we've been probably since about the week after we had to close the studio, we pivoted really quickly to offering online classes every morning and evening. And, there are some people who've come to almost every class for all these months that they're, you know, oftentimes home alone and isolated or home, you know, with no space for themselves because their whole family is all of a sudden home and on zoom calls all day. And, you know, a lot of people are in various levels of stress. And I would argue that we're all experiencing trauma right now. We're in the midst of actually a really long term trauma and there will be post-traumatic stress syndrome from all the things that we're going through in 2020 and meditation is always available and coming back to your breath is always available. And so, it's I think, really now more important than ever for people to cultivate these practices and tools that have been around for, you know, hundreds and thousands of years.
Madeline [00:06:14] So tell us, why meditate? What are the benefits?
Kelly [00:06:18] Well, there are so many benefits of meditation. One, you know, prime one is better sleep. You know, poor sleep as a direct result of stress. And so, through reducing your stress and anxiety, better sleep is a natural byproduct of meditation. But also, you know, we have epic levels of depression and anxiety and suicide right now. And it will help all of those feelings. In my own experience, one of the most remarkable things was pain relief. I suffered from psoriatic arthritis, which is an autoimmune disease. And within a week of practicing regularly, I was literally waking up from what used to be debilitating arthritis that affected my day to day life to wondering, oh, my gosh, is my arthritis gone? So, I've seen that happen, especially with a lot of our members who suffer from autoimmune disease. Autoimmune disease is inflammation related. And there are lots of things that cause inflammation. Stress is one of them, and adverse childhood experiences is another major one. And so, meditation immediately reduces your inflammation. And, I was honestly shocked that no medical professional had ever suggested that I try. I had gone through years of pretty life, life altering arthritis where I could not be in my day to day life as active as I would like to be. And yeah, now I can do anything. So, it's been great. I'm skied for the first time in years. I've water skied. I'm just like able to be way more active like I want to be. My kids are 13 and 14. So, it's also just been amazing for them to witness that healing.
Madeline [00:08:42] Kelly, early in the interview, you said that when you first started getting into meditation, you really did a deep dive into the science behind it. Can you just give our listeners sort of a high level explanation of this? The science behind meditation because I think a lot of people who are novices have that same sort of beginner’s fright about like, is it just something that people do sort of in a corner of a dark room or what? What's the actual science behind it?
Kelly [00:09:15] Yeah. Thank you for asking that question. I think it's so important. So, for one thing, our breath can send signals to our nervous system that we're in a safe space and it's OK to rest and relax. So, there was this interesting Harvard study done in the 1980s that showed that the average person goes in to fight, flight or freeze 15 to 20 times a day. And in that state of fight, flight or freeze, of course, your cortisol rises, your blood pressure rises, your heart rate rises, you know, all the kind of bad things that cause inflammation in your body. And, if you think about it, that was the 1980s before we had cell phones that we were carrying around all day, every day, and text messaging where people are expecting immediate responses and all these things that I would argue cause us to place our attention outside of ourselves on external demands that are coming at us constantly. And so, I think it's highly likely that we go into fight, flight or freeze more than 15 to 20 times now in the year 2020. And, you know, that's, our brains are evolving. But that stress response has not evolved. So, that is an appropriate response when you're hunting for food in a jungle and you're being chased by a tiger. But when we're hunting for our food at Whole Foods and we're going into that fight, flight or freeze reaction because someone steals our parking space, you know, we've got to check ourselves. And so, one of the greatest things about meditation is it gives your nervous system a chance to come back to a state of rest and relaxation. What happens is our body wants to be efficient. And so, when we're constantly going into a state of fight, flight or freeze, rather than coming down to a state of rest or relaxation, our body goes, well, she's just going to freak out again in an hour anyway. So, rather than bringing the heart rate down to rest and relaxation and bringing all of our levels into a state of balance and harmony within our body, they stay elevated because we keep, and that is what is chronic stress and you know, I believe most people are experiencing chronic stress right now. And chronic stress causes inflammation and disease and all the things, you know, so.
Madeline [00:12:15] And in terms of I think, you know, everybody is experiencing also some level of uncertainty and negative thought processes during this period of time. How does meditation help to be present and calm some of the fears about the unknown in the future?
Kelly [00:12:39] Yeah, that's a great question. So, meditation, the practice of meditation is the practice of noticing our thoughts and allowing them to be. And so, each time we have a thought, it's like exercise. It's building our muscle, building our ability to notice our thoughts. So, I like to think of it like a bicep. You know, when you do bicep curls, you're building your bicep. When you notice your thoughts, a lot of people think, oh my gosh I'm thinking, I'm doing it wrong. No, you're not. That's the whole point is to begin to notice your thoughts, because we all have fifty to seventy thousand thoughts a day. That's a thought everyone to three seconds. And unfortunately, a study by the National Science Foundation shows that 80 percent of our thoughts are negative. And so, especially right now, when there are a lot of circumstances that we can perceive as negative or unwanted or undesirable, it's really important to cultivate that ability to notice your thoughts. Your thoughts determine your feelings. So, any time that you're feeling anxious or stressed, you can ask yourself the question, what am I thinking? And it's directly causing your feelings. And so, the thing is, while we can't control outside circumstances like these fires in the western United States or Covid or social justice or politics, we can control our thoughts. And so, that's, you got to take your power back and know that you're choosing your thoughts. And so, when you notice that you're thinking a negative thought, then you can kind of dig a little bit deeper and do some self-inquiry and ask yourself, is this thought true? Where does this thought come from? Oftentimes it comes from something you heard when you were five years old that you just accepted to be true and never questioned. And so, you can start kind of dismantling some of your thoughts that aren't supportive. And you can also cultivate a kind of a finding more supportive thoughts. And so, that's sometimes people call it reparenting your inner child or something, but just you know, have a lot of curiosity about your thoughts and a lot of self-compassion about your thoughts. And see if you can choose a new thought that might be more supportive.
Madeline [00:15:33] And you also mentioned that meditation is rooted in an ancient traditions, but that have sort of gotten lost in the, you know, the modern technology age. Can you just speak to that a little bit about where did meditation come from historically?
Kelly [00:15:51] Well, you know, interestingly, almost all religions have some aspect of meditation in them. And that's one thing that I've really enjoyed. It's been really eye-opening for me to study different lineages of meditation and different philosophies and different religions. And really, they all, they all point to choosing love over fear, which is really important that we do that right now. And yeah, but there's a lot of, there's badak meditation is really beautiful and there's Zen meditation. There's just so many different lineages. But they all are pointing to turning inwards to ourselves and our relationship with ourselves and the divinity that resides within each of us. And just kind of becoming still and connecting with the present moment. And for me, my favorite way to do that is through the breath. And so, as you notice your mind wandering during meditation, that's fine. You're going, your mind's going to wander. You're gonna start thinking about, you know, what's for dinner tonight and how you're gonna get to your next meeting. Oh, did you regret what you said to so-and-so earlier or all the things that are kind of constantly running through our mind and that's when you just gently guide your attention back to your breath. And there's many different types of meditation. So, sometimes it's guiding your attention back to a sound, if it's a sound healing meditation or a mantra if you're using a mantra. So, there's lots of different, you can stare at a candle. There's lots of different objects of attention. But I find that, you know, breath is free and it's always available. And really, any time that you extend your exhale like elongate your exhale longer than your inhale, you're sending signals to your nervous system that you're in a safe space and it's OK to rest and relax. And if you think about it, I think it's so cool because it's like if you're about to be in a car accident, what are you gonna do? You're going to breathe, like have a short, tight breath in, become constricted and tight and tense. Right? You would never have an elongated out breath if you're in a dangerous situation. And so, just by paying attention to kind of increasing the length of your in breath and letting all of your air out on your out breath does wonders for your nervous system.
Madeline [00:18:43] So, for our listeners who are beginners in meditation, is there, I mean, you could do this even when you're preparing for a big meeting or, you know, a work event or a difficult conversation. You don't necessarily have to have, you know, an allotted hour of your day. Is that right?
Kelly [00:19:04] That's right. Yeah. I'll guide you through when we're done talking. Just a quick one minute meditation that I do several times throughout every day. And I think, you know, that's the whole point of meditation is not, you know, unless you're, when you're an everyday person who's living in a normal household with a job and stuff. The whole point of meditation is actually the benefits that it gives you off of the cushion. And those benefits are you know, one, noticing your thoughts two, having awareness and being embodied and being able to notice when your thoughts aren't supportive and calm your nervous system using your breath and things like that are, you know, to be used throughout the day, every day. One thing that is really helpful for beginners, or I did this when I was a beginner, was I set an alarm on my phone that went off four times a day. And it was just a little reminder to me that said, what are you thinking? How are you feeling? How are you breathing? And it was just like a great way to kind of bring me back to the present moment and continue that practice of coming back to the present moment throughout the day.
Madeline [00:20:25] And so, if you're in a state where, you know, your alarm goes off and you realize, boy, I'm having some extremely negative emotions right now, then that's telling you something about your thoughts that's going on inside your head then.
Kelly [00:20:38] Yeah, exactly. And, you know, then it's your responsibility to take care of yourself and have self-compassion and self-love. And so maybe make a little list of things that are things that make you feel good. Things that raise your vibration. And that could be, you know, taking several deep breaths. That could be getting outside in nature and going for a walk and leaving your phone at home and just really appreciating the beauty all around us. It could be calling a friend. It could be journaling, having a cup of tea, listening to some soothing music or uplifting music. You know, there's so many ways that we can make ourselves feel better. And right now, is the time where we all need to be very conscious of feeling as good as we can.
Madeline [00:21:32] So, in terms of I know there are a lot of people who are both working and also being, you know, virtual teachers to their children at home, is meditation a practice that you can also bring into your family with your children? Is there ever a sort of age too young to do it?
Kelly [00:21:50] No. Absolutely. I wish that my children were younger when I got into it. But, they're actually, one of my kids is really into meditation now, which has been exciting. And, you know, there's no age that's too young to meditate. You know, with little kids who are as young as two, you can help them breathe when they're having a tantrum. You can say, you know, smell the rose and let them inhale through their nose and then blow the bubble and let them exhale through their mouth and just help them calm down by helping them smell the rose and blow the bubble until they restore the balance in their nervous system. But, you know, energy needs to be released. And so, as we grow older, we learn not to have tantrums like a two year old, but we still need some way to release that energy. And so, meditation is a great way to relieve stress and accumulated energy that's stuck in our bodies from the past. As far as how long kids can meditate, that's a question a lot of people have. And, until they're about 10 years old, you can you can help them meditate. The number of minutes of their age. So, if you have a five year old for five minutes would be about the right amount. If you have a nine year old, about nine minutes. But then once they're over 10, you know, they can, we have kids that come into the 45 minute classes at the studio and do just fine. And I know that my son is a freshman in high school, and he really enjoys meditating. They do it in his school and yeah, he loves it. And I think, you know, they're, they're receiving more information than our grandparents did in one week than our grandparents did in a lifetime, in one week, high school kids. So, it would feel pretty good to have a little break from that information overload. So, it makes sense to me that the mindfulness and meditation class, which is an elective in his eighth grade, was overenrolled because so many people wanted to do it. And wellness is his favorite class and his freshman year of high school. And he's some, you know, unusual kid. He's just, I think it feels good to learn how to be calm because they so rarely get the chance to not be stimulated by outside demands.
Madeline [00:24:34] We've had quite a few guests on who have had very restless teenagers at home. And so, for our listeners who do have those teenagers and perhaps don't have that as a course in their, in their high school or elementary school, can you point them to a resource that maybe they could help guide their children through meditation? You know, with Anchor Meditation or elsewhere?
Kelly [00:24:59] Yeah, absolutely. So, in October, I'm going to be offering a 10 day happiness shift or I don't know exactly what I'm going to call it, but it's going to be a 10 day intro to meditation and lessons on how to cultivate joy and happiness during this really stressful time. So, that's one thing. But before that, there's a great podcast on YouTube by Dr. Laurie Santo's. I'll send you guys the link so you can put it in by Dr. Laurie Santos. She's a Yale professor. And it's on YouTube. It's called Happiness Homeroom. And it's an hour long lecture that she gives on some tips and tools that is specifically geared towards high school age students, that are really helpful. And then also, you know, when I started meditating after I left the wellness retreat, I just use the Insight timer app, which is great, or the Headspace app, which is also great. And both apps have things specifically for various age kids available and I think they're both free.
Madeline [00:26:18] That's great. We can link to those in our in our show notes for people who want to get started. And can you speak to how to create, I mean, since we're all at home, a space within your house perhaps removed from some of the activity. I know a lot of people like to find that spot. What would you suggest in terms of creating the space within your living environment? Specific to being able to sit and meditate?
Kelly [00:26:46] You know what? That has been so important for me. So, I'm glad that you brought it up. On our website, there's a freebie called "How to Create a Soothing Meditation Space at Home," which walks through a lot of things. But I would say, you know, I live in a small, we're in San Francisco, so we're in the city and I live in a small house. And I don't have a meditation room to myself, but I do have a cushion set tucked away under a day bed that I, you know, pull out. And then I just have a small little, I'm going to say altar, for lack of a better word, but it's just a small little side table with, I always have fresh flowers and I have some essential oils that I like to use before I meditate. And my journal and I usually have, you know, a quote or a candle or a poem or a book that I'm reading. And it's just kind of my special space. And every time I walk by it, I'm reminded of that I always have the choice to cultivate inner peace and to love. And, you know, come back to balance. And it's, you know, any, I meditate first thing in the morning. I just get up, go to the bathroom and go downstairs and meditate. But, if I'm ever feeling off kilter during the day, which I frequently am, it's always, you know, fair for me to kind of go back to and just because it's my special little space where I've enjoyed so many great warm moments, I'm almost automatically at ease. Scent is, our limbic brain registers scent in 18 seconds. And so, if you have a scent, like maybe it's something calming, like Lavender or Palo Santo or something that you use every time you meditate, then you can actually bring that scent with you when you travel or when you're going to be in a stressful situation like you're about to give a speech or go to a party that you're kind of nervous about or whatever. And it automatically kind of reminds your body to relax. It's pretty cool.
Madeline [00:29:05] It's a really interesting observation because I think scent is, at least in my own experience, so much associated also with memories and positive memories. You know, when you have that smell, it can be a very relaxing experience because it can trigger a good memory or a good association.
Kelly [00:29:23] Yeah, exactly. It's fascinating. Actually, one thing that I did that was fun with my kids that was kind of a mindful project over Covid was we ordered a big kit of essential oils and then little spray bottles for each room in the house. And we had so much fun mixing different scents for different spray bottles. My kids have one that they use to energize them in the morning and one that they use to spray their bed before they go to sleep that's more relaxing. So, that's a nice little thing to do when we're stuck inside so much.
Madeline [00:29:59] Yes, yes. And it brings us into the appreciation of something right in the present moment, too.
Kelly [00:30:05] Exactly.
Madeline [00:30:07] So, I think this might be a good time to just have you, Kelly walk us through a short meditation for our listeners.
Kelly [00:30:17] OK, perfect. So, I'll just guide you guys through a meditation. It'll be less than three minutes. I'm just going to have you focus on your breath. The average person takes twelve to twenty five breaths a minute. And so, we're just going to try to slow those breaths down so that we can help our nervous system come back into regulation. And so, wherever you are, as long as you're not driving, if you can just turn off the notifications on your phone and find a comfortable seated position. I'll invite you to close your eyes. And take a deep breath in through your nose. Deepest breath of the day. And exhale out your mouth with an audible sigh. Two more breaths just like that in through your nose. Letting go of any tension or tightness on your exhale. Draw your attention to the rise and fall of your belly and chest. With each inhale and each exhale. On your next exhale, see if you can relax just a little bit more. Dropping your shoulders, softening your belly. Unclenching your jaw. And repeat. Notice the spot where your bottom meets the chair or the floor. Allow a smile to cross your lips. And just sense your okayness. Your enoughness. And know that you are completely held in this moment. On your next in breath, bring some gentle wiggles to your fingers and toes. And when you're ready and only when you're ready, you can open your eyes. Thank you so much for taking a couple minutes to come back to your center and just kind of let go of everything that has been taking your attention throughout today to bring your attention to the present moment.
Madeline [00:33:51] It's amazing how much lighter I feel after just that, however long we were gone, it felt like a long time.
Kelly [00:33:58] Yeah. Honestly, I think it takes three deep breaths and that's it, you know, to just really calm down. And we need that right now.
Madeline [00:34:10] More than ever. So, for our listeners who want to try one of your classes virtually, can you tell us about the classes? Is it a class schedule or is it recorded? And is it within a community where you see other people or are you just in your own space in your home watching an instructor? Tell us a little bit about the format. OK, great. So, most of our classes are 30 minutes. And we offer classes every day at 10 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. And then in October, I'm going to be doing the 10 days of meditating for happiness. And that'll be at 8:00 a.m. Pacific Standard Time. All the classes are live. And that's what's really special is you have access to a real teacher who can answer questions. And so, we always start right on time. We'll e-mail you instructions as to kind of what to expect and what to have with you, if anything, before class. And then we start right on time and we end right on time. But the teacher is always available for fifteen minutes after class to stay on and talk privately by chat, or if you want to come off your camera and answer any questions that you might have about meditation or any of our other classes. So, yeah, all the classes are very welcoming and accessible to both beginners and experienced meditators. And we just really want to help you connect to calm and live your best life. So, and then we do have instructors that see people one on one. And we also offer private groups, some groups of friends or teams at work we support on a weekly basis, mostly virtually at this time. So.
Madeline [00:36:07] And I forgot to ask you, where did the name Anchor Meditation come from?
Kelly [00:36:13] Oh, in that first, OK, so, in the first really deep meditation experience that I had, the teacher explained, imagine your thoughts like clouds passing by and just let them come and let them go without getting attached to them. And when you notice your thoughts going by, just come back to your breath as your anchor. And then that just really unlocked something for me where I think I used to beat myself up when I would start thinking, I would think, oh, I am doing it wrong or I can't do that, or this is annoying or whatever. And it just kind of ended that inner critic, and just kind of made me go, OK, this is normal, I'm going to come back to my breath. And then as I got more and more into meditation, I love an anchor because if you just think about it visually, it's like that left side is the past. And that right side is the future. And down the middle of the anchor is the present. And yeah, I just. Everything about it. I could go on and on with this question because there's a million reasons why now. So. Yeah, but I love the name Anchor Meditation. And I believe that you know, what we're doing is helping people anchor themselves to get through, navigate through these kind of stormy and chaotic times.
Madeline [00:37:42] I love the visual of the anchor, too, I live in Portland, Maine, and, you know, an anchor, when it's with a boat, you know, it stops you right there in the present. So, it's just, it's a fantastic name for your business and your practice too.
Kelly [00:37:57] Thank you.
Madeline [00:37:57] So, in closing, Kelly, we like to always ask our guests to impart a little bit of wisdom to our audience. And so, I, I want to know first, how did you build your own self-confidence as a successful female entrepreneur and have the self-confidence to take that step in starting your own business and your own practice?
Kelly [00:38:21] I really, I have a lot of gratitude to meditation, because I think that some of the science behind meditation is that you can, you know, when we were talking about the negative kind of self-criticism and everything earlier is that we can rewire our neural pathways. And so, when I was talking about choosing higher thoughts, this is actually scientifically proven that, you know, your brain is adaptable. And so, I was just able to take away any time I started having self-doubt or self-criticism, I was just able to kind of reframe it to be positive and to believe in myself. And the more I was able to do that, you know, like your brain doesn't know the difference between reality and like remembering a past event or remembering a feeling that feels good. And so, as I was able to kind of cultivate a more positive and supportive inner dialog with myself, I was just able to see, like, stop being a victim and stop seeing things as obstacles in my way. Like all the reasons why I can't or shouldn't do this or I'm not good enough to do this. And really in my own mind, build myself up and believe in myself and support myself with positive thoughts and affirmations. And I would also say that I really believe where your energy goes and where your attention goes, energy flows. And so, just placing your attention towards what you're creating and what you desire and what fulfills you and makes you feel good and what you're calling into your life and just the more focused you can be on being careful where you choose your attention and maybe not spending as much time watching bad news on TV or scrolling through social media or being around people who are negative and complain and really focus on the excitement and fulfillment of what it is that you're creating.
Becca [00:40:58] We hope you enjoyed our interview with Kelly. You can sign up for her virtual classes at Anchormeditation.com. For calming content, follow Anchor Meditation on Instagram at @anchor meditation. Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed our podcast, hit subscribe and leave us a review. Thank you to Nico Vettese for composing our original music and thank you always to our home team of friends and family for supporting us in our mission. This episode was produced and edited by Madeline and Becca. Thanks for tuning in. And remember, you are somebody.