Dayle Haddon is a trailblazing supermodel, author, and founder of WomenOne. Dayle is the model who broke barriers for women over the age of thirty-five when she became the global face of the new anti-aging lines for Estee Lauder and L’Oréal. In addition to her career as a trailblazing model, Dayle is also an actress and a best-selling author of two books: Ageless Beauty and The Five Principles of Ageless Living. Having been raised in a family that always gave back, Dayle became a UNICEF ambassador and traveled globally to some of the most dangerous regions of the world. In 2008, Dayle founded WomenOne, a nonprofit devoted to creating positive change in the lives of women and girls globally through access to quality education.
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On The Madeline & Becca Podcast, we chat with leading women from a variety of industries about their career journeys and how they developed professional self-confidence.
Produced by Madeline and Becca
Episode #31: Beauty and wisdom with Dayle Haddon, trailblazing supermodel, author and founder of WomenOne
Dayle [00:00:00] I had an understanding that beauty is not just about my skin. It really has to translate through my eyes, through the page, through the camera, you know, to the woman or the girl. And it was more about how I connected than how beautiful I was.
Madeline & Becca [00:00:26] Welcome to The Madeline and Becca Podcast. The mission of our podcast is simple to inspire professional self-confidence in women everywhere. I'm Madeline. And I'm Becca. On our podcast, you will hear stories from real world influencers, women who have experienced tremendous success in their careers by building self-confidence. Thanks for joining us.
Becca [00:01:05] Our guest today, Dayle Haddon, knows beauty inside and out. As she says, "it's not just physical beauty that makes somebody beautiful." Dayle discusses how beauty is communicated: through physical attributes, through kindness and generosity and living with gratitude. Dayle is an iconic supermodel and founder of WomenOne. Beginning in the 1970s, Dayle has represented four top makeup brands: L’Oréal, Estee Lauder, Max Factor and Revlon. She appeared on over 100 covers, including the 1973 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, and was twice named to Harper's Bazaar's "Ten Most Beautiful Women." Dayle is also the model who broke barriers for women over the age of thirty-five when she became the global face of the new anti-aging lines for Estee Lauder and L’Oréal. She is the model who shattered age taboos and redefined the notion of aging and beauty for all women. In addition to her career as a trailblazing model, Dayle is also an actress and a best-selling author of two books: Ageless Beauty and The Five Principles of Ageless Living. Having been raised in a family that always gave back, Dayle became a UNICEF ambassador and traveled globally to some of the most dangerous regions of the world. In 2008, Dayle founded WomenOne, a nonprofit devoted to creating positive change in the lives of women and girls globally through access to quality education. On today's episode, Dayle will bring us inside the modeling industry. During her early career, she was told she was not "model material." Dayle persisted anyway and ultimately redefined what is beautiful. Throughout her 40 year career, Dayle has always celebrated the success of other woman. She's seen beauty and fashion trends come and go, but she believes self-confidence starts with loving yourself. Dayle will also share how WomenOne has transformed the lives of women and girls around the world. Here's Madeline.
Madeline [00:03:19] Let's start today with your background. As an iconic model in the 1970s and 80s, you represented all sorts of top makeup brands: L’Oréal, Estee Lauder, Max Factor and Revlon. And I know you appeared on over 100 covers, Sports Illustrated in their swimsuit issue and among many, many, many other achievements. Can you tell our listeners as a young model, how did you cultivate self-confidence?
Dayle [00:03:55] Self-confidence comes with experience and time, you know, if you're extremely fortunate and you had been affirmed and not bumped into any limitations or criticisms or something like that, and I don't think, very few people out there have that happen, then you might sail into life in the early years, young years super sure of yourself. I think as a young person, you're always not sure. But I think that the passion or the drive overrides your insecurity. I think we're all a little afraid when we start something we don't know, we're new at it. So, I think that that's the battle, if you call it, not quite a battle, but that's the overcoming. I still get afraid or concerned or something like that. But it's also gets your batteries going and you get excited and it, you feel fantastic when you overcome your insecurities and your fear, and you get affirmation for what you felt was the right thing to do. The passion for something to do, that you wanted to do. That is an incredible validation that starts to build and begin your personal development of self-confidence. But it takes time. You have to risk a little bit. You have to be afraid. You have to make phone calls you're not sure of. Sometimes I pick up the phone, dial somebody. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I have a lot of confidence in my what we call your own personal shakti, your own personal energy. So, I like face to face interviews because I feel my energy mixed with that person's energy will make something happen. And I always keep my focus. I tell my interns, don't focus, don't take it personally. Just focus on what you want to get done, see the end result. You know, if you keep focusing on the end result, it doesn't matter that somebody said no, it doesn't matter that somebody said that. You're focused on what...Like when I wrote my book, people said, "how do you write your book?" I always saw the book finished. And so, I was measuring while I was doing it, the finished product in my head, you know. So, you're, if you really focus on what you want, it kind of offsets the voices inside you that say you can't do this. Why you? Someone else can do it better, you know, who do you think you are? We have these little voices. I just tell them, all right, get in the back, get in the back of the car. I'm driving. There's only one driver. And it works because I don't think you gain anything without a little fear, you have to walk through the fear and get to the other side.
Madeline [00:07:03] I love that. That's wonderful advice. And I think for those of us on the outside looking at the modeling industry, right? And there are such incredible standards for beauty, and it looks so effortless when you're on this side and thinking about what you actually went through to be, you know, to have developed that tough skin and be able to handle setbacks or challenges or criticism. Can you speak to that a little bit?
Dayle [00:07:28] Yeah, that's really interesting. I don't think I've ever talked about this before, but my career is so long. So, I, 40 years or something in it. So, I've been through a lot of culture changes, regime changes, considerations of what was beautiful or not beautiful. There was only like a one type of beauty when I was starting. So, basically, I was not considered model material. You know, I was very small, had a little round face had curly hair, dark hair, dark...Everyone wanted to be blond, California, Swedish or Texan, or Californian, that was the look. You know, there was no ethnicity, very little ethnicity or age, you know, differences, things like that. But, and also, but I think I had a lot of excitement and will and goodwill and I think that served me well. I always, I think was very nice to people, kind to people, picked up my clothes, hung things up. And so, I think that served me in the future. Kindness, I think and thank you, saying thank you to people and thank you notes and things like that gave me a longevity. And you cannot underestimate thoughtfulness, kindness, you know, just thinking about the other person rather than yourself. It, when I started, I was kind of a teen model, so because I had been a dancer, I could kind of move and do things like that. And, but it was a little bit like mean girls in high school. So, the other models who were more established, a little bit, had more sophistication, they would collect in one side of the room and I would go, "hi, how are you? It's Dayle!" And you know, they went "no." So it was, you know, it didn't, it didn't. In French, they say bless, bless me, blesse. It didn't wound me. It disturbed me, but it didn't wound me. And I still worked my way through it. And the fact of the matter is, it's really funny because I had a vision of myself as a very sophisticated model, even though I looked cute, you know, not beautiful, I wasn't considered like. But cute, you know. "Oh, she's cute," you know, things like that. So, I think I had to walk through the mean girl stage a little bit like high school, like I said, where I was ostracized and shoved out and not considered their equal. So, I walked through that. I walked with as much grace as I could because again, I can't take it personally. That's what they think. And this is what I think. And I tested, what called tested a lot. So, I tested I mean, you have to build up a portfolio and bit by bit by bit because you have that strong vision in your head. There would be one photo that would convince one photographer, another photo...And then I kind of bypassed all those mean girls, you know, and so, and then they kind of disappeared in the industry. And I kept going and kept going. And the brass ring in modeling is always a makeup contract. You're doing everything. You have bread and butter work that's like catalog and things that are not glamorous. But they give you a lot of money. But the brass ring is a makeup contract, and I was fortunate enough to have four of them. So, usually you're lucky if you get one. So, I was lucky enough. And I think it has to do something with communication because it's very intimate. It's close up. And women would write me and say, I think you understand how I feel. I think you understand my problems. And so, and I had an understanding that beauty is not just about my skin. It really has to translate through my eyes, through the page, through the camera, you know, to the woman or the girl. And it was more about how I connected than how beautiful I was.
Madeline [00:11:35] And, in terms of I know you are the model that broke barriers for women over the age of 35 when you became the global face of the new anti-aging line for Estee Lauder. So, thank you for doing that.
Dayle [00:11:52] A lot of people in the industry thought that I was over the hill and finished at about that age. So, I said, "whoa, we're just starting now," you know.
Madeline [00:12:03] So, could you just explain for our listeners how you had the confidence to be that kind of a trailblazer for that in that time period? I know, like you said, over 35 was just, you know, I'm sure people told you that you were finished.
Dayle [00:12:20] Yes, the entire industry, even the ones in the know, because you've got to think of also, what we're used to now is not what was happening at the time. So, a woman over 40 was her products were imaged on a 20 year old who didn't need them. And it, just I'm very logical. It wasn't logical. First of all, I felt, I felt that I hadn't reached my peak, so to speak. So, I said, well, how can an industry tell me I'm over when I don't feel I'm over? So, I said, I'm going to fight back. And I thought, this is a great opportunity for me, to, from the inside of the industry to change their perception of a multibillion dollar industry. And so, I went to the library, did a lot of research and it came out at that time that there were 43 million baby boomers and that we weren't being imaged. So basically, the industry was saying, you're not worth it, you're invisible. You know, it was a subtle shove to the side of a whole, millions of millions of women. So, I said, I think that when I get on something that feels truthful to me, I never think, when a person says, no, I don't think that no means no to me. All it means to me is that they don't understand yet. So, it's up to me to digest it for them and present it in a way that they would understand, that's just my makeup. And I'm logical. And it doesn't make any sense to me that if a girl is beautiful, she should become a full woman beautiful. We as women together have to decide together how and what is beautiful, because you can't completely fight the wrinkle war and you don't want to because I don't want a blown out plastic perfect face. You know, maybe a little, I know. But I mean, so we have to define together that, you know, what are the secrets and gifts that each age is bringing us, instead of desperately holding on to the age we left. So, I wrote two books. They're both best-sellers. Ageless Beauty, I think is the first one. And The Five Principles of Ageless Living because I just felt there wasn't enough information for women about what is the beauty of moving along in life, how can it be beautiful? Like at this stage I'm into philanthropy and philanthropy is part of generosity. And to me, that now folds into my definition of what is beauty. Beauty is also being generous. There's no question I worked with the most beautiful girls in the world physically. But I want to say to all the listeners out there, if somebody is gifted with great beauty, that's like a talent, like a musician or, you know, but it's up to the person to animate their beauty because it is such, it's as if you got a box wrapped so beautifully and you looked at the box with a beautiful bow and you undid it and there was nothing inside or a terrible thing inside, you know. So, it's not just physical beauty that makes somebody beautiful, because have you noticed when you're with somebody that maybe isn't physically beautiful, but their soul, the inside is so beautiful or animated or exuberant, and you walk away and go, oh, my God, that person is so beautiful. But beauty is very arbitrary. And it really mixes. I think if you're very young, it mixes you know the inner with the outer skin, it has to mix together., The essence of the person has to come through your skin and through your eyes. I think if you're 20 years old, you have a grace period. You have a, because you're not expected to be wise or necessarily or you know, be phenomenal in your career unless you're an exception. So, you have time to develop. But basically, you have a, I say, a beautiful girl, a physically beautiful girl at any age, has about a two minute grace period. And then she better deliver because the promise is so huge, like, oh, my God, that person is so beautiful. Oh, no, they're not at all when they start opening their mouth. So, I was around quite a few like that. So that in a way their insecurity was very palpable because they would consider I'm only as good as my skin and my eyes. I don't have anything inside. And for me, I guess because I wasn't taken for so much for the physical, it was much more about my personality and what I could communicate with the great photographers that that gave me my hand up, you know, so. Yeah.
Madeline [00:17:32] And you mentioned your two best-selling books, Ageless Beauty and The Five Principles of Ageless Living. Can you tell our listeners, why do you see age not as a liability, but an asset?
Dayle [00:17:46] Because there's nowhere else to go. You know, we, it's inevitable we age. It's inevitable you know, some when you're younger, age is freedom, like you can hardly wait to get to this age and hardly...And as you get older, you go oh like, I wish I had my this back or I don't want to get... Oh my God I'm hitting 40 or, but I think if you use logic, which I like to do, as I said before, is that we have a finite time here on this earth. And as a young person, you're bursting to go up and into life and then you kind of even out and it's in here. You're really defining who and what you are. So, for me, I say, you know, the 30s can be bumpy. You decide maybe you get married or maybe you have a career or maybe your kind of making, you know, rough format of what you're building for your life. And then I think when people face 40, I call that the gateway, because that is the gateway into your real life. I think the real I mean, I'm just saying this as a metaphor, by the way, but I have the idea of a door opening because at that moment, I think that's a moment around 38 where you look and you say, oh my God, I'm the age that I understand of my mother. And then that can be a recognition of this is older, but it is the beginning. It is a real beginning. And once that door goes open, then the 40s, you're either raising a family, you're building that career, and it can be powerful and bumpy. And my daughter is turning 50 this year, and I say, OK, hold on, strap on your seatbelt, because I find 50s are kick butt time. You just, you have to watch out because that's when you say, I know who I am. You're not going to tell me who I am. And I am carving out all of this territory and it's mine and don't come into it. And so, it's super, super powerful. And then the 60s are more serene. And then. And then. And then. And then but again, it's up to us together to define, you know. There's wisdom that comes with aging and you can't buy it, you can't, you have to experience it to be wise. And I think I'm in the most interesting, most powerful, most complete time of my life. I'm a mother and a grandmother, and I can look back and pull from all my experiences and decide and make shortcuts, you know, and say, and also all of the contacts that I've made, if I'm going to build something or do something. That's why I say go back to what I said about kindness and writing those letters and because the people will take your phone calls if they remember you as being thoughtful, nice, kind, calm, no mess, you know. Not that there's...There's always a mess, but sometimes you can be stronger going through a mess, as you know Ryan was, I'm sure, talking my daughter Ryan, who was on this wonderful show, too. So, they can be important as well. But basically, if you, people will take your call and if you call them and say, I have an idea, what do you think if we build this together or who do you know that I can help build? That's really important. So, all the ages are important. And as far as beauty is concerned, we have to decide together again. I'm always saying that as women, because it's a quorum, you need a quorum to decide what is beautiful. If we only say only a blond girl is beautiful or a white girl is beautiful, then that quorum sticks with that. But what's happening now is we're opening it up and saying all races are beautiful, all ages are beautiful, all genders are beautiful because there's beauty in all of us. We have that spark of beauty in us. And it's what you focus on. If you're going to focus on differences, that's all you're going to see. If you're going to focus on the unity of all of us, then you're going to see and experience beauty in everything, in everyone, in every you know, I mean, I go out every day in the country here and I'm so grateful, I just say thank you, thank you. Thank you for what I'm experiencing. And that's another piece and part of beauty. And I think what age brings you, but if your younger listeners can get that young and really go to sleep, before you go to sleep or when you wake up, you know, decide the theme of your day. "I'm deciding it's going to be a great day" and going to sleep, "I am grateful." List ten fabulous things of what happened to you that day, and you'd be very surprised how much greatness happens in a single day. So, all of that comes with time and then all of the big, the big supposed things like prizes and being the first and number one and being the most beautiful or the richest or the first or...All of those things don't really matter. They all get evened out. It's nice. It's like a sidebar. If someone's going to give me a prize, a lot of times I see it's so I can, it's kind of sad, but it's so I can bring a table to their event, you know, and I take the prize for WomenOne, for my charity, because it brings attention to the platform, and I'm happy about that, but I'm well past, "I need my picture here or I need this or that." Only if it can do something to support the work and help others. Because, I mean, how much ego stroking do you need, you know?
Madeline [00:23:56] Let's shift a little bit and talk about your philanthropic work. First, I know that you got involved as a UNICEF ambassador. Can you tell us about what that work entails and how you got involved?
Dayle [00:24:11] Yes. Having been in the beauty business as long as I was, I was always, I've always been looking ahead before I was fired or something you know, before I was kicked out or fired. I would say, what can I do? If this came to an end, then what could I prepare for in the next? The next? And I thought I could use the platform. I have to do good in the world. And I loved what, you know I went to many of the UNICEF dinners and I think it was very inspired by what Audrey Hepburn had done. At that time, I remember looking at a movie and I think at that time there was only Audrey Hepburn. Maybe there was Danny Kaye and Audrey Hepburn. So that was the movie. And I said, you know, I think maybe I could use the platform and my contacts that I had in the fashion and beauty industry for good, and so I reached out to them through friends and started talking and they said, well, we cannot get our stories into the magazines. Could you help us get the story? I said, OK, give me the stories and let me see. So, I went through all their stories and there was some really interesting stories, but I edited them, edited them down, went to the editors in chief who make the decisions of all the different magazines. And they loved it, but it was like a secondhand voice. I hadn't gone there myself. I was telling them about other people who have gone there. You should do a story on this. Some people went there, and this is the story they wrote back. I remember a shoeshine girl, the only shoeshine girl of shoeshine boys in Somalia, and she would make five cents and two cents would go for her education and the rest would go to her family. And I thought it was such an interesting story. So, when I saw I was so close, but I couldn't get them to do the story, I went back to UNICEF and I said, the only way this is going to work is if I go myself. So, they made me, they decided to give me a really cushy job at that time, in a four star hotel, at that time it was Haiti and before the earthquake. And I later went back with them after the earthquake. So, but I said, no, I don't want that. I want Darfur. Well, Darfur at that time was, they have five levels of security. It was level four. Level five is total evacuation. So, all families are gone. It was very, very unsafe. So, I asked for that. And I don't know how I got it, but I got it. But then I, to back it up, I went to Oprah because I had been on Oprah and I said, I would like to give you the exclusive if I can get the film and Glamour Magazine. So, Glamour had the exclusive. So, that's another thing of how I do it, is you've got to, I always tell my interns it's about fishing. You've got to figure out on your fishing rod what attracts the fish. So, I said, well, I could get you Glamour and possibly Oprah. And they said "yeah, OK!"
Madeline [00:27:15] Sold!
Dayle [00:27:15] Sold, exactly. So, I had to do an incredibly, it was like a ten hour test because if you don't pass that test you cannot go, the UN will not let you go. And we had the whole of UNICEF in there because the questions were so hard and there were things like, "if someone holds you up at gunpoint, what do you do with the keys to your car?" And I go I do not know, swallow them? I do not know, you know. "Do you run?" No, you lie flat, you know, things like that. And you know you'd hear...I mean, it was just, I can't...I won't go into detail because it was a little bit terrifying. But needless to say, we went, and we went into Sudan and then on a cargo plane into Darfur. And I stayed longer than UNICEF people because we were filming and photographing within. And I listened to many, many, many stories. And it remains to this day one of my favorite trips, maybe because it was my first trip, but it was, it's just, you know, the UNICEF place there looks like a bombardment place. There are tires protecting it, guns, barbed wire. It's not safe. It's really, really not safe. So, some trips are difficult like that. And UNICEF does a great job. So, I went to many places with them. It was called, "In the Field." And saw many things from cholera camps to girls, little children dying of AIDS. You hold their hand and some of the people just broke down. They couldn't take it. It's not for everybody, you know, and not everybody has to go. But it was in one trip to Angola, rural Angola, to a clinic where women had walked all night with babies strapped to their backs to get medical help. And a doctor pulled me aside and said, "could you help us? We need to microscopes." I went, yeah, sure. So, I went to the powers that be and I said they need two microscopes. Can you help them? And they looked at me and said, Dayle, that's too small for us. And I went, oh, wow, OK. And I was thinking, well, it's not too small for those women that walked all night. So, there is room for a smaller organization, kind of a light bulb went off that can work with the bigger organizations and support them and help the great work that already do. And so WomenOne, the idea of WomenOne was born. And I decided to focus on education and girls education because being around women and fashion, I was focused on the girls. And because girls are bypassed, they're either sold, married off or brought back into the family to work. And so, their future would be without education, probably many, many children, not healthy and not healthy themselves and no voice. So that to me was really, really important. And I spoke with many of the mommas like in Kenya, and they had that operation where the sex part of the them was taken off and things like that. And the highest level of education was grade four, if any. So, they were basically saying, not on our watch, if you can help these girls, it's extraordinary. So, they were telling me in detail all of that and all of their life, and they were working like crazy to get their children, you know, and they say a girl child, a girl child gives more back to the community. When a when a girl is educated, occurrences of HIV AIDS goes down, occurrences of brutality and things like that diminishes. And that if a mother can just read, they say that she has 50 percent chance her child will live beyond the age of five. So, there's a lot of advantages. And a girl will give back to her family, her community and the world when she's when she's educated. So that’s what we did. We're in seven countries. We built a school in Haiti and Senegal. And we partnered with Duke University in Jordan, I went to Jordan and we had a workshop there where we gave the Syrian refugee girls there who are very educated and very cultured. But we gave them cameras and we asked them to film and photograph what they couldn't speak about. And they won many awards, including at Sundance, for their films, two minute films, five minute films. So, it was really, really powerful films. So, we're in like I said, seven countries. But we're drilling down in Nanyuki, Kenya and we have the Center of Worth (CoW) there. And we've taken the girls. I've known them since they were 13 or 14 and now, they're graduating. And we have new quorum coming in, a new quad coming in. So, we're because of the Covid, they don't have enough to eat. So, they are subsiding on one meal a day, they don't have soap to wash, they don't have masks, they don't have education, they don't have contact, they can't go out. The mothers, there are usually many single mothers, have to go out to make a daily income. They usually sell vegetables or work in a field. So, we decided over the summer we reached out to all our followers and mine on Instagram, which is @daylehaddon by the way, to bring together an emergency fund for these girls so we could buy them also necessities: a little bit of food, some soap and things like that. But get them phones that they could continue our classes and make it virtual. And we did our first Zoom call the other day. And it's just, they're so grateful. They're so grateful. You know, thank God they're saying, thank God. You know, the people thought of us, thank God. So, we raised twenty-six-thousand dollars over the summer virtually, which is the large part was the generosity of two donors. It was a matching donor that each gave ten thousand each. So, that put us up to 20. And then we, just people giving one-hundred dollars here. Fifty-dollars there. Two-hundred here. Got the rest of the six thousand. So, we've got, bought them, we're starting the test run, we're starting those girls and see how they do. But they don't know about muting yet. They don't know about you know speaker, so they're learning. So, hopefully I'm going to try and get everyone get them, you know, do a one on one and get people to ask questions on Instagram, do an Instagram live talk.
Madeline [00:34:12] You mentioned the Center of the Worth. Can you tell us, what is the Center of Worth and why did you start that? That's in Kenya, right?
Dayle [00:34:18] That's in the new Nanyuki, Kenya. Yes, it's north of Nairobi. It's about three hours north of Nairobi in a beautiful, beautiful area. It's greener than other parts of Africa. And it's also one of the biggest rose growing areas in the world. So, it's kind of interesting. We, the girls have, so a lot of these girls come from also living on the street, working and living on the street, a lot of them are abandoned, a lot of the children are abandoned. So, we take those in as well and make sure their healthy, try to return them to their family if we can, and then put them in school in any way we can and support through scholarships. But what we found is it's a little bit different system than ours. And they have breaks, like a month or so breaks. So, during those breaks, we have special services, and we work closely with our partner on the ground to decide what they need. Like, you know, I hope this is not too graphic, but they you know, they're told things like, if they put a lollipop in their certain regions, they won't get pregnant, you know, things like that. And so, we said, OK, sex education, we have to do that. That's really important. You know, tech literacy is really important and also counseling, a lot of counseling because a lot of them are very traumatized and they need to speak to a professional. I have held hands with girls who told me that they ran away because they were 14 and going to be married to an 80 year old man. And they ran away from home and climbed in a tree and hoped a wild animal would eat them. And then the next morning they were awake, and they went, OK, now what do I do with my life? And just holding the girl's hand while she told me her story and crying or abandoned by their mother and, you know. It's just stories like that. So, which is kind of unusual for Africa because usually it's a really tight knit community. But in that area, it's like that. So, we do the best we can with those girls. And they're thriving. They're really thriving. And they want to be things like we do, you know, they want to be a pilot, or they want to be a surgeon, or they want to be a journalist, or they want to be, just their dreams. And so, maybe not all of them will get there, but some of them will. And they'll certainly be an educated mother if they get married and be sure that their children are educated. So, what when I say this to people in America, they go, why are you working with people so far away? You know? And I say, well, because the world is getting smaller and smaller. We are affected by what is happening in other countries. And so, if you don't make little silos of sanity that will expand out, will ripple out like a stone in the water, ripple out that will connect with other people, then we can't unite this world. We can't. Otherwise, that is why something so far away can make us have to go through all of those security precautions at an airport, something so far away from us. So, all of these little places that we're all helping and I'm doing it in my small way, are helpful for all of us. And you were asking me about the Center of Worth. So, what we do is we take those girls at a time when they would be free and may go back to the streets and may start taking drugs or may be abused or may get pregnant. And they're very strict in in Africa and a lot of countries in Africa. If you're pregnant, you can't go to school. So, and they don't have childcare. So, usually if they get pregnant, then they're...It's finished. So, once we teach them the things that our partner on the ground say, I think they need to know about this. I leave that up to them and we just discuss it. And then we, back here, we decide how we're going to raise the money for it, for the things that they need.
Madeline [00:38:29] It sounds very powerful, it's like a bridging the gap and providing all of those very, very important life skills. How do you recruit teachers? Do they come from the community or they come from other parts of the world?
Dayle [00:38:48] No they come from...well, the guy that founded it is from California, Matt. And he went there on vacation, I think no to do some volunteer work. He went to do some volunteer work and he saw a little boy on the street who was kicking a soccer ball, so he was kicking the soccer ball around with him. And he just has a real talent for children, with children. And the boy, he asked the boy, what would you want more than anything? And he was thinking he'd say, like a better ball or something, but he said, "I want an education." So, he said, wow, OK. So, he said wow okay. So, he got his friends together. And I think it cost at that time three hundred dollars. So, he got the education. He stayed in contact with the boy and he said, what else can I do for you? He said, I'm not the smart...And the boy graduated top in his class. He said, "I'm not the smartest boy on the street and I'd like you to help educate the other children." And that's how it started. So, he's, they love him. The kids love him because he just knows, even the kids that don't come in, the kids because I went around the little local town with him and there's a lot of drug use, so, and they love him, though. You know they yell, "hey Matt, hey Matt." So, they respect him. They love him. He's kind of one of them. But, in answer to your question about the teachers he interviews, and they have to be, they have to be the right temperament. They have to be loving. They have to be smart. They have to have wisdom. But they're all local.
Madeline [00:40:20] Do you have a particular story of a girl that has really influenced your life, or you've thought, boy, this is something that's just so powerful. I'm going to carry this with me.
Dayle [00:40:31] Many, many. I can't tell you many. I have one girl, Mary, who's I think she stood out because she was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't speak. And we do home visits. So we once a month they do a home visit to a family and we bring a sack of rice and some oil and maybe a pan. Some of the barest necessities. Well, Mary comes from a family, single mom that is in the poorest area is the poorest family. And when you see her beside her family, first of all, her mother is in rags with bare feet, huge bare feet, like a basketball player. She's huge with so much dignity in her in her ripped rags, you know, and a turban wrapped around her head. And she and the other children, none of them have gone to school. She's the only one of her family that's ever gone to school. They're living in a hut that would be maybe four by six, six people, four by six. I just don't, I can't comprehend it. And Mary has her school uniform, but all the children are in rags and bare feet and the bare feet it's not good because they have what's chiggers go up their feet. So, we have to give them medicine for that. And but when I walked out of the house, because it's really not a house, it's it sticks leaning in. I cried. I just went to Matt. And I started, I broke down crying. I said, we have to build them a house. And he said, Dayle, you cannot. If you do that in the community, it will create such animosity towards them that they were singled out. And so, that's why it's so hard, you know, so we try to do it with a little bit of food that we can do for a family, a little bit of things like that, and then getting the girls educated so that they can be self-sufficient, and they can...And that's what the mom said to me. She said, "Mary is going to buy us a house. Mary is going to..." I thought, oh my God, she was 14 at the time, oh my God, the pressure on her shoulders. Mary is going to do everything, poor Mary. But she and I, she now is the leader of her quad. She sings, she speaks. She gave me, when I last was there, she gave me a whole going away talk and poem she created. So, coming from, I remember being in the car driving to her house and she couldn't say one word I said, "okay Mary, come on Mary." And so that, she really inspires me when I see the transformation in the three years or the four years that we work together.
Madeline [00:43:14] It's incredibly inspiring, this work, and I come from a family of educators, my mother is a librarian, and my father is a professor. So, I know the power of education. I mean, it is, the ripple effects of what you're doing in these communities. I mean, you just won't even know how far those ripples go out to change the world. So, for all of our listeners who want to get involved, what's the best way to do that?
Dayle [00:43:38] Well, they can log onto womenone.org.
Madeline [00:43:47] We'll link that in our show notes.
Dayle [00:43:48] Okay, that would be great. And they can, they can link on with me on Instagram because I mostly post on Instagram everything I'm doing. And that's @daylehaddon or at womenone.org, both of them go back and forth. But it's more personal online because I talk about the girls and some of the stories and some of the other things I do, and they can think about what they can think about what they can do to raise money. I mean, they could get together and do a bake-off or do a sell-off or do...You know, anyway, a run, a marathon run in the name of WomenOne. Anything that they can do that can raise money. It all helps. And we can, we can personally tell them where it went because we know the names of all the girls and where it's going. It's small enough that you can see the difference and know the difference and make the difference. And we bought a campus, so we're building that campus, so that we're raising money to do that. And we have the great architect, David Adjaye, who built the museum in D.C. on African history. He is going to build a campus. So, we're very, very excited about that. So, that will give them a real home with a garden and a clinic and a world class clinic, because we're connected with partners for the hospital there. So, that's how they can help. And if they decide WomenOne is not for them, which I can't imagine it wouldn't. But I think anything in your community, because any way to help. You were talking about ripple effect before and just being nice and kind and thanking people in service in your day to day way throughout your day, whether it's the cab that you're in or a bus driver or giving up a seat on a bus or all of those things, we have no idea. You know, cashier when you're checking out, "have a great day." You have no idea the effect that can have on their day. We have no idea a positive effect it can have. So, don't think that that goes unnoticed, just like how you can poison the air when you just snap back at somebody or yell at somebody. You know how your whole system gets jarred. It's the same with kindness. Your whole system gets soothed. And when we realize we are one, we are connected. And what happens to your neighbor affects you. So that I always say to my friends, if you have a success, it's my success. And they go, wow, it's so you know, that's so interesting. Well, it's true. I'm just so happy if someone has a success because they're blossoming. It's like a flower garden and you're not going to pick only one flower that you want to do well. You want them all to do well because we will make a better world. I mean, it sounds a little pollyannish, but it's not. The world will be better as we agree that that's...That is the connection necessary to make the changes necessary we need to make on this planet. We're in a very exciting time in this time. I mean, I know it's very difficult and with the Covid and everything, but it's also a time where all old systems are being demolished and it is an opportunity. If we can stay positive and out of fear because fear is contracted and just get those little voices, say just sit in the back. We don't have to completely erase them. Just sit in the back seat. I'm driving. We got this. And if you can, if we can take this opportunity to say in all of the history of this planet, we've never been in a moment as powerful as this moment on many, many levels. And it looks really bad in a certain way. And it might be rough, but we're in transformation. And I think the more we can understand the simple truths of you know, loving each other, caring for each other, not getting...Don't let politics get you crazy. Just do what you can do. Do your best and don't let it seep into you like a poison that gets you off the rails and screaming at people that you love or family members or friends because they're not on the same page as you are. You know, it's much worse than what's really happening, you know allowing that to happen. So, we have to decide together. Again, that's part of beauty is beauty is also being graceful and kind and thoughtful and generous. It's not just having no wrinkles and being very thin or having blue eyes or a little dimple or you know, it's not all those things. It really is your essence. And what you do. You know, love is an action, as a lot of people say. It's not just words. So, I think that's a really important aspect to understand about this planet. And I think the key to opening everything is gratitude is that if you are grateful for what you have instead of what you don't have, you know, I remember Christopher Reeve's famous saying is like, what do you miss most? And he said, just being able to as he was paralyzed, just being able to cross the room and pick up a newspaper, it gets as simple as that. So, when other things are taken away, you're grateful for what you take for granted so that's why we have to be grateful. And a great teacher said to me, if you can accept everything as it is acceptance, totally acceptance, don't have to agree with it, but accept everything as it is. You just even doing it, the action of saying, I accept it, I don't have to agree with it, I accept it in all its ways, then immediately there's a calm that comes over your body because we tense up and we fight. And that is so hard on our body. And you can't manifest what you want and need from that state, from a state of fear or a state of, you know, anger or apathy, you can't manifest. So, the step upwards in the tone and the scale of tones is through a total acceptance of what is happening and then move from there, you know, taking responsibility, your responsibility within it. But again, as I said, you don't have to agree with it. You just accept this is the way it is because this is the way it is. You know, no matter what it is, you know, even if it's a terminal illness, you have to go into an acceptance at a certain stage and then you take responsibility and then do what you need to do. But it comes from acceptance. I saw that in action with my daughter when her daughter broke her arm for the second time, exact same place this summer. So, she broke it. And I've never seen anything like it, the bone hanging. And it was just, it was horrendous. And it snapped like a branch, like a dry branch. And the second time around, my daughter was so calm. And her daughter panicked a teeny bit, and she took her by the shoulders and looked at her in the eye and said, "we've got this, we've got this, it's OK." We've got this. And she had to have surgery on it the second time because it was, it had to be pinned in. And immediately my granddaughter calmed down because my daughter was calm. And it's from the classes we're taking too. And I knew that she put that into being, she just, she said to me afterwards, I was totally calm. This is what happened. Now we're going to fix it. Now we're going to do what we have to do. And it translated to her daughter. So, and then it translated to everybody around and nobody panicked. Just, okay we have another break, you know, just so it does really, really work.
Madeline [00:52:02] Yes, in that practice, like you said, I mean, that can be in a career or in your personal life or in a situation like your daughter faced the summer.
Dayle [00:52:11] Yeah, I tell my granddaughter a lot because, as you know, with children, if they don't get something right away, they're very upset. Like they want it now. And I was trying to say to her, I said, here's a saying that I have, "this or something better." And so, it was something to do with chocolate. And she wanted it. And I said, let's look again. And we went in and we found perfume. And I said, do you remember what I said? And she said, yeah, this or something better. She said, "it's true." So, now when I say that this or something better, I say to myself, I say, if this doesn't happen, something better will happen. And invariably it's true. There's something better. I like her perfume compared to the chocolate was better. So, then she says, Oh, that's saying that saying so. I think you can get those ideas into children and get them to work them on themselves as children, but it's also good that we say it to ourselves, I say it often it doesn't. Things don't turn out. Of course, they don't turn out exactly the way we want. But I can say you know okay this didn't turn out. Maybe I'm being protected. I have to believe that because I'm on the path. I'm working on myself and I'm on the path. So, maybe I'm being protected, and it's not supposed to be for me. You think that a lot if you want like a mate in your life or something like that, and they don't come in and then you find out terrible things about that person. Thank God I was protected. So just a little bit of advice you out there. So, I think that one being because I trust myself and I believe in my journey. So, that comes, I think with time to you trust what you're doing. You trust where you're going, you trust that it's, I’ve hitched my wagon to my values. You know, that's why I moved here, because I walk through it with somebody and I said fighting in New York and putting boxing gloves on every day with people that were against my ideas, which is fine. I've done that for many, many years and I've been successful and not successful sometimes with it. But I just said it's not hitched to my values, my value is being around my family, being helpful to my daughter who's building her career as a therapist, as, you know, hypnotherapist and life coach. And I can take, like I had Lira, one of the middle ones here last night. And I had her set a table and we made dinner together and we made a banana cake together, you know, and just went out for Halloween, got some things for Halloween. And that links with my values that I am putting in the time that makes a recipe that makes her have a relationship with her grandmother and that makes her solid as a girl and eventually a woman. Also, I remember when I did this with my grandmother and you know, so that's what I did, I hitched my actions to my values. I don't think you ever lose if you ask yourself not your desires, but what you value in life where wants and desires, they're ephemeral. They usually cost a lot of money, things like that. So that's what I've done. That's the silver lining of in Covid is that I moved closer to my family and they're a part of my life now.
Madeline [00:55:42] It's so wonderful and I know that your grandchildren are going to, it's going to transform their lives, having a relationship with you in those ways, I think about my own grandmother, also named Madeline, who you know I carry with me as her namesake, and all of those memories I had growing up, things such as baking in the kitchen. And those are really, they're small, wonderful joys in life.
Dayle [00:56:04] Yeah. Is true. And also, not controlling it too much. You know, she's at an age, she's nine now. She's at an age where I said, you set the table the way you want to have all these napkins, because there was an estate sale here and I bought up all the napkins. I said, set the table like you would dress yourself any way you want. And she got so excited. So just little ways you can find that reminds you of being a child and that allow the child to have autonomy that you can choose. And even if it's wrong or it's not completely right, as long as it's not destructive that she feels proud and satisfied with her choices.
Madeline [00:56:43] So as we head to the end of this really wonderful interview, I'd like to ask you a question which we ask all of our guests. And in your case, you know, you've had such an incredible accomplished career with such a wide range of things from iconic model and actress, author, spokeswoman and activist. Do you have, you know, your best piece of advice for our listeners about how to develop professional self-confidence as you look back on your own career?
Dayle [00:57:12] It always starts with self. It always starts with accepting yourself, loving yourself, connecting to yourself, everything starts from there. You cannot love somebody if you don't love yourself and you have to figure out, you don't have to do anything, but I would suggest that you figure out what are the ways you can love who you are and if there are things, you know we all have shadow sides. So, if you can find ways or techniques or methods to look at the shadow, look at those things and forgive yourself for things that you've done or done to others and do that process. Anyone that wants to work, do work like that, I would suggest that they reach out to my daughter because she does, she has clients all around the world. But it's subconscious work because sometimes those subconscious voices that were not connected to and not aware of or were planted within us by ourselves or by others at a very young age, they say that all of that was affected up until seven from birth to seven. And so, here we are as an adult and we're seeing, you know, things being thwarted all the time. So, I would suggest trying to find the way to hear those voices and switch them for more positive voices so that consciously you're not being dictated to by the subconscious. And I find meditation is extremely important to connect yourself. I meditate every day, find a place, you know, quiet place, sit down. Just watch your breath. If you want to do it easily, sit in a chair if you want to. Just do it a couple of deep breaths and just watch your breath go in and watch your breath go out. Or you can go on YouTube or any of those ways and just find methods of meditating. I think my daughter has some guided meditations on her website, it's Ryanhaddoncoach.com. It's loving yourself, that's the beginning, that's the beginning of all loving and accepting yourself and any of the things you didn't like or were ashamed of or that you did. And then it can start from there. Pin up affirmations for yourself, you know. "I am," just the sentence, "I am" is very, very powerful. "I am" in every tradition, I am. I am. So, what is your am? I am great. I am powerful. That's not ego. That's affirming to yourself because we all have a spark of God in us, so that is great and we have lots of, you know, worldly and other worldly support around us, so call on it, call on support systems, please help me to guide me towards the right path. You know, as you meditate, you can perceive more subtle realms and more subtle truths that can help guide you. Stay on the path. And I would make a list of what you value most in your life and see if what you're doing links up with what you value, because my teacher said to me that when you're linked with your values, success comes because the universe and everything, it's just, it's like putting a, you know, a train on a track. It gets on a track and then it can move forward. But when we're at odds with each other, it's the same with the subconscious voice, if you say want to have a relationship with somebody and then the subconscious voice go, all relationships are dangerous, are all relationships you get hurt. Well, you wonder why in the conscious world why you can't have a relationship. Then you've got to address the subconscious of what is being dictated to you that you're unaware of. So, there's a couple of things going on. Meditation can help, certainly help and strengthen the inner wisdom, your inner wisdom, because once you shut off all the externals and you go within, something expands and stick with it, just do even 15 minutes, 10 minutes a day and you build up. It's just like exercising. You can't just pick up a heavy weight and start going. Just do a little bit and, you know, light a candle if that helps you put a stone or a shell or a picture of something you love or whatever way you want to do it. It doesn't have to be religious, but it can be, but it doesn't have to be. So, I would say those are all ways. Breathing is really important, taking a deep breath. It's really important and all of the things like sleep, eating well, exercising, get out in country, all of those supplementally help you support your intention and make your intentions clear of what you want. I'm following a method that's a Gurdjieff method with a great teacher right now. And that's been very helpful for me. But I've been to India. I've learned to meditate there. I've been to teachers and things like that. But we have a lot of wisdom within and meditating can help access that wisdom and help you make better choices, because once you come out of meditation, you're more in sync with what's going on. My other advice would be, don't be around people that criticize a lot and criticize you. You know, the great saying for most, most of the traditions is keep good company.
Becca [01:03:29] We hope you enjoyed our interview with Dayle. If you're interested in getting involved or donating to WomenOne, you can find more information at Womenone.org. You can connect with Dayle on Instagram @daylehaddon. Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed our podcast, hit subscribe and leave us a review. Thank you always to our home team of friends and family for supporting us in our mission. This episode was produced and edited by Madeline and Becca. Thanks for tuning in. And remember, you are somebody.